The World of Gay Dating: The Check, Please.

i am a pretty easy going guy, but the concept of what to do with a check at dinner is really quite a mine field.

if it's a first date, i usually am happy just to split a check, after all, we're both men here, there's no need for excessive show of gallantry. i am also comfortable with just paying for the whole thing. i usually like low key, affordable restaurants for first dates. it's about getting to know a person in a comfortable setting, not try to impress the other guy with how much class and money you've got. if the dinner went really well, i don't have a problem with picking up the check, because i feel that the other guy can pick it up the next time. this usually gives way to the your-turn-my-turn situation after a few dates, and eventually if it gets serious enough, then i just pay for dinner if i feel like it whether it's my turn or not. i guess that kinda summarizes how i think handling the check should progress: 1. split the check 2. reciprocate 3. pay because you want to show appreciation of the other guy.

the problem i feel is that a lot of guys are just not very good with this whole process. i have gone out with guys who believe that it's the person who asks you out who should pay for dinner. i don't agree with this idea simply because usually somebody's got to make a first move for a date to happen. in a straight setting, this is usually the guy's role. but with a gay setting, this is quite ambiguous. you'd think this would be easier because it can go either way, but i have found that gay men, unless they have dated women, don't really know how to ask another guy out. i wonder how lesbians do it, since women are conditioned to wait for a guy to make a move; they probably wait a lot.

since i am pretty assertive kinda guy, if i like a person, i would simply ask them out. i probably ask guys out more often than i am asked out simply because i don't have the patience to do the stupid smile-and-stare game that a lot of gay men do in a bar. if paying the check is dependent on this, then i am stuck paying for dinner whether or not i enjoyed the date. everyone knows how first dates can turn really bad (they don't call 'em First Date Hell, for nothin'), and sometimes you find out that the guy you thought was interesting and cute at the bar can turn out to be a bore with too much cologne. sometimes i wonder if alcohol lowers your inhibitions or your standards.

anyway, i guess that for me, how a guy you're dating handles the check issue really would reflect how the guy would handle the financial situation in a relationship. it's kind of a testing ground. if you can't split a check, you don't know how to share responsibilities. if you don't reciprocate, you don't know what your financial responsibilities are. if the guy doesn't offer to pay for the check once in a while, he doesn't know how to show his appreciation of you.