I AM QUEER

When former NBA player Tim Hardaway said "I hate gay people," it was reprehensible, horrific because it's so so wrong to hate, you know, the mentally retarded. I am just so glad he's not talking about us fags. It's interesting how the word 'gay' has now become synonymous with 'stupid' or 'dumb' or 'unfashionable.' I am not sure why the Queers got so up in arms about this; Hardaway was just using the language of the streets.

At first, I thought that yeah, I can hear the irony in that. Gay people have become smug in the 21st century with our wit, our clothes and our nimble dance moves. We needed to be taken down a notch. What's better than to appropriate our word and use it against us?

Once, my boss, that sweet sixty year-old Japanese woman said to me, "Paul, that outfit's sooo gay," I got pissed. Granted, I was wearing a halter top, but that's beside the point. When little ole ladies are using what used to be street vernacular in their language, you know it's ingrained in the culture.

I have come to accept that there's nothing I can do about the use of the word 'gay,' just as I can't do anything about how 'beeeeeyatch' should be used. I think it should only be used on mothers who wouldn't let you wear nail polish.

I think we should stop using the word 'gay' to identify ourselves. We should use other words more, like 'homo' or 'queer' or even 'fabulous!!!' which I think is more meaningful, stronger, more in-your-face, like a fart in an elevator.

I'd like to be in a very long elevator ride down Sears Tower with Isaiah Washington, press the emergency stop button and let out a big wet fart. Do you think he'll make out with me afterwards?

And when people start using 'queer' like 'gay' (as they inevitably will), we'll move on to 'butt muncher.'

We'll always be one step ahead of everyone.

C'mon everybody! Who's with me? Tell Tim, tell Isaiah, tell 'em all: YOU ARE GAY. I AM QUEER.


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Never Lose Hope - A rant. All queers want to have is love and to be loved. Really.

Why Change? - Outright lies about those tortured beings, those wretched homosexuals.