The Long Way Home: The Vacation Posts

In between the meals my father cooked and the guilt trips he served; my mother's campaign for sainthood through her devious schemes and machinations; my brother's bid for online gaming supremacy and four little tykes that I alternately want to hug and choke to death, I was inspired to write a whole series of posts (probably my most prolific blogging ever) about my vacation in the Philippines in February of 2006.

Here they are:

The Long Way Home. After years of putting off a visit, guilt has coerced me into making a trip back to my homestead. Will I survive the trip? Starvation. On the flight home, it's between me and a bag of honey-roasted peanuts in a fight for my survival. Fake Plastic Food. All airplane food is basically bland and fake--until I found bibimbop. My Old Room. Tired and weary, I seek succor in the comforts of my old room and what I found in the back of an old dresser. Autopilot. My parents switch to autopilot on their marriage while I duck from the missiles they hurl at each other. Jetlag. My mind and soul are here, but my digestive system is left four days behind.

A Conversation with My Father. Only a computer program can save my relationship with my father. Our relationship is doomed. Archeology. I went about digging up my past history armed with a camera and no map. What I found either amused or disgusted me. A Conversation with My Mother. What does it mean to be a good son? I climb back into the uterus. Redeye. My last day. In just a few more hours, I will be on my way back to normalcy. But first, I must survive the final challenge: four adorable kids. I Carry Your Heart. I have a congenital defect that pre-determined my fagularity. Plus: one of the best love poems ever written. Epilogue: Fun with Fake Poop. That says it all. Bonus: Bean Pole. Celebrity sighting!