Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I'm Going To Tell You A Secret

"I got married for all the wrong reasons. When my husband didn't turn out to be everything I'd imagined he'd be, I wanted to end everything.

There's no such thing as the perfect soulmate. If you meet someone and you think they're perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction. 'Cos your soulmate is the person that pushes all your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis, and makes you face your shit.

It's not easy having a good marriage--but I don't want easy. Easy doesn't make you grow. Easy doesn't make you think. I thank God everyday that I am married to a man who makes me think. That's my definition of true love."

- Madonna, I'm Going To Tell You A Secret


Thanks Madge, but for me, I think that I thank God everyday that I am with a man who gets my cock hard as a rock.

But you know what I think true love is? My definition of true love is letting your loved one come first, and I mean this in the truest sense of the word "come," that is, he needs to shoot his load first.

I think that if you are always the first one to come in your relationship, you really are doing your partner a disservice. If your man is one who always has to gets his rocks off before you do, then I think you have a problem; there will be a day when you both will arrive at an impasse, when one of you will have to give way to the other, a life or death matter, like the decision of which of your mothers' Thanksgiving dinners to go to, and it will break you.

If I were to tell you what skill you need to have to have a successful relationship, I would tell you that it's not your financial acumen, nor your social causes, nor your ability to breathe through your nose while giving a blowjob--although that's also crucial--it's the ability give an orgasm, as well as have one.

It's nice to have a moral absolute, like a belief in an all-powerful deity, or in reincarnation, or in the gaudiness of the House of Versace, but most of us live in shades of gray which no amount of ammonia-free hair color is going to cover. If your position on anything is too rigid, then you've already lost, there's no way to come to an amicable agreement. Eventually, it's the little skirmishes which will lose your cause.

Like, everybody knows I am lactophobic, but if my boyfriend told me that he would like to go to dairy farm and milk cows, I'll go with him and attempt to yank teats, even if the last time I did that, Bernice, the girl I went to prom with, told me that was when she knew I was gay, because I didn't treat her bosoms with holy reverence like all the other guys did. It's true--I was more interested in why I couldn't hang pasties on myself. Why oh why was I born with a scrawny chest?

Listen, I fight with my boyfriend like everyone else, and sometimes, it feels like crap, even if it's only about what color to paint the bathroom. It feels like the War on Terror, where the real agenda is hidden.

Sometimes when we fight, the blood rushes to my forehead and gets trapped there, and I can't see two feet in front of my face. But later, after the fever is gone, I look back and see, why the hell did I make such a big deal about that? Sea foam green isn't too bad after all. So what if I have to buy new hand towels to match it? It's cheaper than all the Saturday nights I spent binge-drinking on Shirley Temples. Could've I avoided the whole fight if I only gave in a little?

This whole BS that Madonna is spouting of her supertight lil' ass, it's trite, but I think it's true. She could be right here, even though whenever I think of her these days, I think of a giant cameltoe.

I don't know if I believe in someone who is a perfect soulmate. Overcoming gay Asian stereotypes is hard, when you're dating, everybody has a pre-conceived notion of what we are like: docile, submissive, a doormat. I am sick of these guys who want me to lie on the floor with my mouth open and pretend to be a bearskin rug. Most of the time, I am happy if the guy calls me up and doesn't order Chinese take-out, although the tips aren't bad.

And I don’t know if there's such a thing as a happy relationship with no conflict. And there are times that I know that conflict is unavoidable. But I think if you let your guy come first, it can be resolved quicker, even if it’s because after coming, he’s just way to tired to argue.


-----

Asians are the Model Minority

You wanna know a secret? People on the e-mail list get notified as soon as a new post is up. Sign up now!

Some great Madonna CDs:

No comments: