Friday, September 07, 2001

The World of Gay Dating: Fake Boyfriends

last night is the first night of the fall quarter at depaul where i am taking classes in preparation for my MBA and holycow! who do i see? my straight "fake boyfriend" from the gym who i call "SUPERBOY"! Superboy is maybe 24 or 25 (way too young for me), has short dark hair, stands about 5'6", has broad shoulders, and massive quads. the "Superboy" aspect comes from the fact that he has a cute, clean cut squarish face (which would look great with a pair of dark clark kent glasses) and a yummy cleft chin.

now, every gay guy i know has a "fake boyfriend"; it's usually somebody straight, may be someone from the gym, their classroom, in their building, etc. it's usually someone they see quite frequently but have no personal contact with. thus some of us stare longingly at the object of our affection and usually have a romantic fantasy relationship (even for those gay men who are relationship-phobes) with these men. usually we chisten them with some kind of nickname like "Gap Boy" or "Kellogg Guy" or even real names like "Jeff" or "Charlie."

i guess for me, it's a fun way of ogling at guys. it's really quite harmless, i suppose, although i don't know how straight guys would react being treated like a piece of meat :-) straight men really don't know how to handle being on the receiving end of the mating game. i guess, in a way, it make sense. the whole mating thing is almost about one person imposing themselves on another person hoping to get a reaction. males are conditioned to make a move and females to react. when i hang out with my friend dave (who's straight) at durkin's, a local straight bar, the dynamics of the people, as opposed to a gay or lesbian bar are markedly different. dave agrees and is quite fascinated when we hang out at spin or girlbar because he sees the difference there.

maybe my fascination with my fake boyfriend will cease now that i actually have contact with him, because the fantasy can't be sustained when reality intrudes. i am not the kind of person that will hang around a straight guy hoping that they will "turn gay." i just tend to think of them as my brothers or colleagues, sexless, in a way. i may appreciate their attractiveness, but i don't think of them as potential sex partners, because that's futile. i'd rather be spending my energy trying to meet a guy in a gay bar.

but for now, my fake boyfriend has a real name: brian. if i wanted to be a stalker i guess i could look up his address or phone in the phone book or his e-mail on the internet and or maybe find out if he has a webpage. WOW!


A Google search revealed this picture. He's the one on the left.

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