Monday, August 01, 2005

Stuttering

I once dated this hot Marine who had a serious stuttering problem. We could barely have a conversation. It would literally take a minute for him to finish one sentence. But I dated him, because it's what's inside that counts right? And what's inside his pants was 10" thick motherfucker.

This is where the weirdness comes in. When we're having sex, he does not stutter at all. Not one bit.

While we were having sex, he wanted to talk talk talk about books he read, movies he's seen, where the lint in his navel comes from. Anything. It's like he had all these words pent up and it all gushed out.

I would've obliged except that it's hard to have a conversation when you have a huge Marine cock in your mouth. Ironic really. He can't talk when we're not having sex, I can't talk when we're having sex.

Besides, my mom taught me never to talk with my mouth full and old habits, like geezers with priapism, die hard.

This went on for about two months, until he dumped me. It took him about thirty minutes to say "I t-tttt-tthhhh-thhinkkk www-www-wwe ssh-ssh-ssh-shoulddd bbe jj-jjjust-tt ff-ff-friends." I guess he was nervous.

It was very humiliating for me because I knew what he was going to say after "I t--". I was raised to be polite, so I had to sit there and wait for him to finish.

It's true what they say about how communicating in a relationship. You really have to work at it.

I know what I would do next time: learn sign language. Then it wouldn't matter if I had a mouthful of cock.

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I wrote this following an e-mail from Joe.My.God, one of the best bloggers around. He had asked his readers for a few lines describing the kinkiest thing or about a time we were most surprised, baffled, or completely freaked out by a scene laid on by a new partner. Check out the others.

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