Ask Matt

Matt's notorious column returns.

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Matt--

How many holes do girls have...um...down there?

Brian

Brian--

Good question. First off, I would suggest you forward me your age and location. This will aid me in determining whether you were failed by an antiquated Southern Baptist public sex education curriculum or if you are just an idiot.

Girls, in fact, have three holes “down there.” One for pooping, one for peeing and one for the purpose of procreation. Personally, I like to refer to this phenomenon as "the three P's." From back to front, they are arranged in the following order:

1. Poop
2. Procreate
3. Pee

So, if you and your lady friend are on the verge of becoming intimate, the one that you want to aim for is in the front. Unless your paramour is of the sexually liberated variety, at which point you may suggest an entry from the rear. Believe what you hear, it really is tighter.

Good luck and happy humping!

Matt

PS - Please don’t ask me where the clitoris is. I really have no idea.


Matt--

Do girls have hairy assholes?

No Milk Please

No Milk--

My tongue says "yes."

Matt



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