The Little Things

Is there a time when people outgrow their juvenile grossness? Is there an age whereupon one reaches it, we become civilized, mature human beings?

I mean, I was at the men's room at work peeing, when I noticed that slightly to the right of me at eye level was not one, but two greenish-gray, dried-up boogers stuck on the wall.

Mind you, this is a men's room that belongs to a large corporation run by men and women who generate millions of dollars of revenue. This company employs engineers, scientists, lawyers, members all of the professional community. As far as I can see, there are no eight-year olds working here who are tall enough to put boogers at my eye-level.

You know how some people joke about not being able to walk and chew gum at the same time? Not me, sirrah. Not only can I walk and chew gum at the same time, I can do it in 9" stiletto heels and a Bronx accent. What I can’t do is pee and pick my nose at the same time. I just don't have the manual dexterity to handle both 'digging for buried treasure' and 'watering the lilies.' It's just beyond me. I mean this is not like driving a car where you can use your lap to steer while you dig in there.

Look, I am not saying you shouldn't pick your nose. It's unpleasant for other people to think about, but it's normal; it's very much like homosexuality or tax evasion that way. But I think that everybody should be responsible enough to wipe their boogers into a kleenex, a handkerchief or the inside of your pants pocket like everyone else.

I know this activity probably creates some sense of satisfaction or achievement by putting things up on a wall for display, but this is not like mounting a deer head, even if the boogers will probably blend in with the outdoorsy décor. And I don't care that it's some celebrity booger you bought from eBay.

If we adults cannot manage these little things, how can we manage the big things? If we cannot ever become mature enough to take responsibility for ourselves, how can we ever achieve peace-on-earth-goodwill-towards-men? No wonder we are at war in Iraq.

I really, really just hope there are no boogers on the wall in the restrooms at the White House.

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Bastion Booger
Weird eBay auctions: you might find some booger here
The Speech Accent Archive
I didn't know this went on in the women's restroom
Online Tour of the White House
A parody of the White House first page (refresh a couple of times to see different versions)
A golden urinal at the White House