Thursday, March 04, 2004

Halitosis

What is there to write about when there’s absolutely nothing going on? The past week has literally been limbo, and no Caribbean music to dance to.

I have nothing to say. That took ten minutes to write.

After a rollercoaster of being excited about a job, then not getting it, I am pissed off. I don't want to turn on my computer. I don't want to get on the Internet. I am afraid of the flurry of Instant Messages, like mosquitoes in the presence of a warm body, all asking how things are. I am drained, trying to keep an optimistic front.

For almost two weeks, I didn't look at the job boards. The jobs listed all want the online version of Prince Charming. I'm no Prince Charming. I'm not Brad Pitt. I'm not even Chandler Bing. I'm just a guy who wants a job. I'm not asking for too much: an honest day’s pay. "Sick" days. Maybe some Post-It's to take home once in awhile. I'm easy. If this were a bar, you could cough in my direction and I'll give you my phone number.

Everybody's looking for the perfect candidate. Who has these qualifications? Knowledge in sales, finance and production. An MBA and an MCSE. At least six years experience in C++, RPG and COBOL. I feel like I should put down my three week experience with VD as a qualification. I already put in the fifteen minute drunken discussion I had about where to get the best online porn as "attended seminar in E-commerce."

Maybe if my twin Peter and I decided in my mother's womb to become conjoined instead of splitting up, I could get a job. There's no way one person can have all these qualifications.

I feel like I have the job equivalent of halitosis: I look great on paper, but once they meet me face to face, something or other causes me not to get the job. I try to tell myself that the job market is extremely competitive with businesses laying off IT people everywhere. It's hard to keep your chin up when there’s a midget hanging on your necklace.

I'm exhausted. Leave me alone.

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