Monday, June 20, 2011

Scruff

Scruff, if you didn't know, is a gay hook-up app for the iphone.  It's pretty interesting to me because I don't know anybody who's hooked up on it. I am sure people do, but like everything online, it's all just posturing and shit like that.

Personally, I've never been successful with hooking up online, probably because people see "Asian" and immediately think "bottom," "small dick" or "prissy" which is quite puzzling to me.  Why would they think that when I lie about it in my online profile? They must have internet telepathy or something.  Anyway, I know it's because I'm Asian because I created the same exact online profile as a white dude and you wouldn't believe how many guys wanted to fuck me. Whatevs. Online, people want/need/have to rely on stereotypes because the reality is, you can't really tell what a person is like based on their online profile, no matter how long you've been texting with them. In fact, the longer you've been texting instead of meeting, the more likely the other guy's a complete troll, despite their picture.

There is actually another app just like Scruff and it is more popular, but I got banned from it because of my "suggestive" profile.  Seriously? It's a fucking hook-up app. What fantasy land were they living on? People aren't going to become friends using this app. Don't they know that gay men don't become friends unless they have sex first?

Anyway, to prove to you that it doesn't matter what's in your profile, it's your picture that counts, the following is my actual profile on Scruff. 

Username mankini

What I Do
In my head I like to think that I am a little like Paul Rudd, charming, sensitive and maybe just a little dopey.  But nope, I'm just a scumbag.

I don't have hair on my face, my chest or around my sphincter. It's not a character flaw--it's just my own brand of super power.  I have a beard though. Her name's Suzy.  She's awesome in family gatherings, but less awesome at Steamworks.

I'm the kind of guy that will turn my underwear inside out when I run out.  They are $50 each please.

I used to lie in my online profiles and feel guilty about it. But then I got laid so I got over it.

Activities and Interests
Books Beats Comics Vids 6string Apms Manga Pr0n Weights Rock Tats Roofies Coq (au vin) Alcohol

Super friendly
but only when I'm drunk. Otherwise, I'm a super friendly douche.

Been known to use drills, hammers and wrenches, you know, like an interior decorator.  Hey those Elfa closet shelves aren't gonna put themselves up.

Life's a box of chocolates, then you eat them and get fat and depressed and you eat another box. I'd rather snort coke.

Let's play. Guitar.

What I'm looking for
Friends--somebody to do jeagerbombs with after dumping the body in my rape van.

I know this sounds all snarky and maybe even brainy but that doesn't mean that I'm not shallow.  Which means I have very low standards. And herpes.

You would fuck me, right?

Friday, June 17, 2011

No Milk Please 360º

No Milk Please has been going through a lot of changes.  The site has been re-vamped with new templates.  I have been spending time tweaking the template to make it more streamlined and coherent.  I have also been trying to integrate my ancillary sites the NMP SideBar and DJ Evil Twin in here. The site is now compatible with mobile devices.

No Milk Please will be the site to contain my personal blogging and Twitter status updates.

NMP SideBar will contain news, gossip and culturevomit and my running commentary. I have been spending a lot of time on this site posting and blogging. Please check it out.

DJ Evil Twin will contain my musical tinkerings and other music-related bits.

You should be able to get a glimpse of everything that's happening with me through the main site, but feel free to jump directly to any of the other sites.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

A Letter From My Sister (in Haiku)

even if i'm sick
   or Depressed--it is not a
                        choice, this Lazyness.



i tell you the truth:
i would have killed all my kids--
   myself--
               without God.



you, him, me--we four--
        we are all hard-headed and
                        so emotional.



i understand him,
                   his depression and my own.
then jesus healed me.




if you cannot stay
                          and follow-thru with your plans,
DON'T SAY ANYTHING.



he has to do it
                     all on his own now. he has
                                                             your father's blessing.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

From My Brother's Secret Blog

"Friends"
"Sigh. A woman's Friend Zone is a very cold place. You're not really friends because she holds you constantly at arm's length and she automatically shuts the door when you try to get closer. I am forever frozen out, outside of Paradise."

"The Part Of You I'm Most Familiar"
"When I look back at my life and remember the part you played in it, I will look at you and realize that the only thing I remember about you, the part of you that I am most familiar, is your cold shoulder.

Sometimes, I can't really understand why. Why I foolishly hoped that there could be more between us. Why you mattered so much to me. Why I couldn't turn away from you. Why, why, why....

So you turn your back on me again and the silence once again fill the space between us. Yeah, I'm also very familiar with your back and with watching you walk away."

Monday, June 06, 2011

Sidebar Action

Hmmmn. It seems that the NMP SideBar is getting a lot of action.